211. The Risk of Blossoming – Paulina Pinsky
Familiarity is a form of comfort, but just because it’s familiar does not mean it’s not destructive.
Just because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
Last December, as I was driving from New York to New Orleans to spend Christmas with my fiancé’s family, the man I was supposed to marry began yelling at me about his anti-natalist beliefs—that having children was unethical. I clung onto the steering wheel, fighting back tears.
I had heard his rant every single day of our seven-month engagement. It was familiar.
But for the first time in our two-and-half-year relationship, we were out of weed. I’d been a daily weed smoker for five years, and on day three without it, I was no longer comfortably numbed. And although his rant felt familiar, although I had told myself I was used to his rage, I could no longer convince myself that this was safe.
I was forced to see the truth: I had remained in an emotionally unsafe relationship because I had convinced myself that what was familiar was comfortable.
But I no longer felt safe.
Suddenly I realized: What is familiar is not always safe.
Today, I am over nine months sober. I’m no longer engaged and happily living at home in Pasadena, California. Allowing myself to feel the discomfort of the familiar led to enormous, life-altering, and life-preserving change. I’m thankful that I believed that I could try something new, that I deserved more—better. Even though I couldn’t see what was ahead, my life has grown beyond my wildest dreams because I chose myself, because I chose change.
Now, I am connected to my intuition and how to listen to it. I no longer numb out, blunt, or destroy my gut instinct. I feel daily comfort in my writing and in small nourishing acts like my skincare routine. I no longer allow familiarity to eclipse my judgment. I actively engage with what replenishes and revives me. I no longer stand for my own destruction. I am safe.
Familiarity is a form of comfort, but just because it’s familiar does not mean it’s not destructive.
Familiarity is comfort; but just because it’s comfortable doesn’t mean it’s not boiling you alive, slowly, like an unsuspecting frog.
I left because I was no longer afraid of discomfort. And I discovered that staying put was more uncomfortable than plunging into the unknown.
– Paulina Pinsky
